Once again (with 4 kids we can call ourselves’s experts now) it’s Christmas nativity season, that fun time when you have to camp out overnight (like your going to the Next sale) outside the school just so you can get a front seat.

How do some of these parents do it, what is the secret? Do you have to befriend the Nativity director? Or find out what teachers are helping. Do you spend the year flirting with the pretty junior key stage 1 team (male or female anything goes for the front row) or do you just bombard the teams with presents at random times leading up to a bottle of mold wine a couple of days before?

We have tried several different times to queue up and even be in the first place only to find the front rows full.

I have found that standing gets you the best results (although I nearly got set alight from the spotlights last year at least ASBO would have noticed me) at least your kids have a vague chance of seeing you.

Now sadly (and to be honest because we have hit over 14 shows over the years they are all blending into one and not one of my kids has ever been Mary or Joseph which I find incredible as we have 4 in the dam school so I’m happy to end or Nativity franchise ) it’s coming to an end for us, well one more next year, but as we are season professionals we now laugh at the new parents coming in and the antics they get up to see their beloved donkey.  

Granma was our key this year (not to camp out but to get at the front of the queue) we primed her we told her to be at the school no later than 1.30 pm (show starts at 2.15 pm) hoping this would be enough to get anywhere near the front and a seat.

The plan was working, I collected G from work giving us 1 hour to get to the school knowing that we would have reserved seats, upon arrival we found Granma sitting 6 rows back “I tried but the queue at 1.30 was out the gates” fine then we realized our seats were school year 3 seats, ones where your bum slips off every time you move but we were here and hopefully we would get to see Tiddley.

The lights dimmed and the headmaster in his oversized suit welcomed the audience and the show began.

Within 30 seconds of the music a ¼ of the hall stood up, with there smartphones ready to catch a glance of there little angle (or Mary & Joseph, shepherds, wise men, Roman’s and or one of the many animals there little one was dressed as) there was even the “check me out I’m filming on my -Ipad parent”.

This then set the tone for the hole Nativity, every pigging time the parents sitting in front of us kid was in view (admittedly the small chairs did not help) they were up, waving, taking photos, sticking their asses into our view.

We worked out that there were 3 different positions they would mold them self’s into just to get a sniff of little johnny, there was the stand straight, the crouch and then the I need a shit look where they would move from left to right in a hovering position angled like “I’m touching cloth but holding my butt cheeks”, all this just so “Johnny” could see them and then they go and use their bloody flash to blind the kids.

One parent we know got so sick of this got up grabbed her chair moved to the side and stood on it.

Schools don’t have the money or the kit to hold large Nativities so we all must do our best to make sure no one’s view is blocked as we all want to show our support but also see our kids.

For us, we got a glance at Angel Tiddly and she saw us, luckily for us, a good friend did camp out overnight and got the front row, so we got some great photos!

School morning antics https://knackered-dad.com/bloody-mondays/